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Author Topic: Jokes you can tell in Church!  (Read 4001 times)
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mengram
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« on: Aug 15 2017 12:59:19 »

An elderly woman died last month.

Having never married, she requested no male pallbearers.

In her handwritten instructions for her memorial service, she wrote, 'They wouldn't take me out while I was alive, I don't want them to take me out when I'm dead.'
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mengram
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« Reply #1 on: Aug 15 2017 01:03:02 »

At Sunday School they were teaching how God created everything, including human beings.

Little Johnny seemed especially intent when they told him how Eve was created out of one of Adam's ribs.

Later in the week his mother noticed him lying down as though he were ill, and she said, ' Johnny, what is the matter?'

Little Johnny responded, 'I have pain in my side.

I think I'm going to have a wife.'  smiley
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11 ft solid fiberglass BUD and 24' Von Weise Actuator, ESX242 C-band lnbf, 10 ft Channel Master TVRO Solid BUD and 24" Thompson-Saganaw Actuator, ESX242 C-band lnbf, 8 ft mesh BUD and 24' US Electronics Actuator,  ESX242 C-band lnbf, (2)36X39' Geosat Pro, SG6000 motor, Invacom QPH-031, JSC322-2 dual KU lnb, DSR922 Motorola 4Dtv, Amiko Alien2, (2) Optibox Raptors, (2) Openbox S9 fta receivers, Manhattan-1933, 22inch directtv slimline (will be using as a stationary dish). 52 inch LG Plasma, 47 inch LG 3D, Smart TV, 32 inch Coby LCD televisions. LOS 58.0W to 139.0W
mengram
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« Reply #2 on: Aug 15 2017 01:05:44 »

You don't stop laughing because you grow old...

You grow old because you stop laughing!

Take heed and pass these along to people who need a laugh.

I thought you would enjoy this...times are tough right now...for all of us...so we need something to make the day a happy place.

"They" haven't found a way to tax you for laughing yet! ::amen
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« Reply #3 on: Sep 17 2017 08:56:28 »

Thanks for starting this thread mengram! Here is one:


A husband was trying to prove to his wife that women talk more than men.

He showed her a study which indicated that men use about 10,000 words per day, whereas women use 20,000 words per day.
      
His wife thought about this for a while.

She then told her husband that women use twice as many words as men because they have to repeat everything they say.
      
Her husband looked stunned.

He said "What?"



 dance
« Last Edit: Sep 17 2017 09:00:54 by Hyper » Logged

My son Evan, taken from his family and friends on March 26, 2010 at the age of 15. We love you and miss you Evan. We will see you again soon in heaven. I miss you son. You were the best son a dad could have. I am so proud of you. Save a place for me.
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« Reply #4 on: Oct 05 2019 10:14:36 »

Marriage and Coffee

Shortly after tying the knot, a young married couple started arguing over who should make the coffee.

Being a good Christian woman, the wife went to the scriptures for her answer.

She said that the Bible specifically stated that men should be the ones to make the coffee.

Puzzled, the husband asked her where in the Bible it said that.

Very confidently, the wife opened up her Bible and said: “It’s right here—HEBREWS.”


Wa-Wa-Wahhh


GONG


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My son Evan, taken from his family and friends on March 26, 2010 at the age of 15. We love you and miss you Evan. We will see you again soon in heaven. I miss you son. You were the best son a dad could have. I am so proud of you. Save a place for me.
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« Reply #5 on: Oct 28 2019 08:28:45 »


A burglar broke into a house one night.

While he was searching for valuables he heard a small voice say  "Jesus is watching you."

He stopped for a moment and said to himself this must be my imagination.

So he continued searching, about 5 minutes later he heard the voice again "Jesus is watching you."

He turned his flashlight to the direction and he saw a parrot.

He said to the parrot "What is your name?" The parrot replied "Moses".

The robber chuckled then said "What kind of silly people would name there parrot Moses?"

The parrot looked up and said "The same people who named the pitbull jesus!"



 grin


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My son Evan, taken from his family and friends on March 26, 2010 at the age of 15. We love you and miss you Evan. We will see you again soon in heaven. I miss you son. You were the best son a dad could have. I am so proud of you. Save a place for me.
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« Reply #6 on: Mar 22 2020 09:07:41 »

A Pastor shared he recently thought the rapture had taken place leaving him here behind .  It happened when he turned down the paper products aisle of his grocery store and seen the rolls had been called up yonder ,...
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mengram
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« Reply #7 on: Mar 23 2020 10:01:35 »

A Pastor shared he recently thought the rapture had taken place leaving him here behind .  It happened when he turned down the paper products aisle of his grocery store and seen the rolls had been called up yonder ,...

 ::lol
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skymaster
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« Reply #8 on: Apr 13 2020 11:21:31 »

what did the rug say to the floor?
i have you covered.

why did the skeleton cross the road? he didn have the guts to stick around.

ever read these new books?:
antlers in the treetops by who goosed moose.

i pee nightly by rusty bed springs.

holy rollers by bishop dice.

well i run out of stupid jokes

skymaster





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« Reply #9 on: May 23 2020 08:56:45 »

I am so lazy i don't even type out a joke.

I just attach a picture.



 grin
« Last Edit: May 23 2020 08:59:49 by Hyper » Logged

My son Evan, taken from his family and friends on March 26, 2010 at the age of 15. We love you and miss you Evan. We will see you again soon in heaven. I miss you son. You were the best son a dad could have. I am so proud of you. Save a place for me.
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« Reply #10 on: May 28 2020 09:59:31 »




 humble
« Last Edit: Jun 29 2020 08:31:18 by Hyper » Logged

My son Evan, taken from his family and friends on March 26, 2010 at the age of 15. We love you and miss you Evan. We will see you again soon in heaven. I miss you son. You were the best son a dad could have. I am so proud of you. Save a place for me.
mengram
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« Reply #11 on: May 29 2020 09:44:03 »

 ::lol
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« Reply #12 on: Jun 29 2020 08:30:45 »

Amen
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My son Evan, taken from his family and friends on March 26, 2010 at the age of 15. We love you and miss you Evan. We will see you again soon in heaven. I miss you son. You were the best son a dad could have. I am so proud of you. Save a place for me.
joeroscoe1957
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« Reply #13 on: Jun 29 2020 10:02:16 »

Funny joke , great advice for these times !!
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Hyper
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« Reply #14 on: Aug 31 2020 08:06:39 »

 grin
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My son Evan, taken from his family and friends on March 26, 2010 at the age of 15. We love you and miss you Evan. We will see you again soon in heaven. I miss you son. You were the best son a dad could have. I am so proud of you. Save a place for me.
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